I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
