As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
