i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
