we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
