speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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