Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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