I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
