Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
