i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
