She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
