At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
