I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
