6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
