so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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