"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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