Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
