can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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