Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize