she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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