he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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