even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
