It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Jerry, you need to find god
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
