Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
