I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
