Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
