when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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