There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
