Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
