Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
