hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
