I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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