He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
