It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
