If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
