There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
