listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
