what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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