Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
