She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
