I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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