Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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