his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just googled if crying burns calories
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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