just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
