I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
