i just wanna soil my oats bro
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
