Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Every concussion has its silver lining
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
