im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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