Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
