The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
