I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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