I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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