We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
