who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
