I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
