Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
