my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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