we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
