why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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