if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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