I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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