Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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