i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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