I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
