Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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