The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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