so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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