My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
