Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
