just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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