Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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